don’t open

last night, as usual since I left my job, I couldn’t sleep. I was just rolling from one side to another, hugging my bear, talking with my cat, who was suffering from insomnia too. I thought of the few persons I like to call “beautiful souls”. yes, I have such a category in my head, just like most of us have “best friends”, “friends”, “aquaintances”, I have “beautiful souls”. I like to recall my memories of them, which is quite easy for me since I remember exactly lots of dates, colours, facial expressions, movements, scents, impressions… so I was just surfing in my sweetest memories of my sweetest friends, without any logic, going back 4 years, then in the next moment jumping forward till last week. I felt my heart getting happier with every appearing picture. then I asked myself a not-so-new question: what do these people, the people I call beautiful souls, have in common, really? there are small and curly haired and brown eyed ones who are strong, positive, balanced and enjoy laughing in delirium, and I have beautiful souls who are cold and negative and I also have beautiful souls who don’t speak my language at all. (in this very instance I kind of started feeling guilty, because I realized I am discussing them as if they were some everyday objects, like a toothbrush – sorry for it, but those who know me know that if there is something in this life that I cherish the most, then that’s a beautiful soul) so, after recalling my very best memories of them, I tried to find that ONE characteristic that attracts me in all of them. the one characterisitc because of which he or she became a beautiful soul for me. and you know what? I found it. I’ve found the MOST important characteristic I’m searching for in new acquaintances. and guess what, I tell u now. it’s the way people open themselves, or to be more punctual, the way people DO NOT open themselves. a kind of shyness. a kind of mystery one has wrapped his soul in, making me wonder what more could I find in there? what my beautiful souls have in common is that they don’t show me what they really have, or what they really are. maybe if they would, they wouldn’t be beautiful souls anymore… next big question for the next sleepless night? anyway, i don’t know why did I write this post in English. it happened after reading this nice quote:

There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. ~Walter Wellesley “Red” Smith